The Why? Pronoia...

"Pronoia - the feeling that others are conspiring to help you"   (some festival flyer from long ago)

This is in part an answer to an old friend.  I've known Jono since I was about 16 I guess - peaceful,  inspirational bloke that he is, thanks for posting the first post on facebook. Keep Pushing.

At 40 I too no longer have the gung ho I had, a bit of fear, awkwardness and lack of  confidence in my own abilities and lack of hopeful practice to prove my own judgements wrong don't help.   I don't dust of a fall and curse and stay till I make it, or go back day after day to make it work - I can think - 'that was close' and head home - feeling the bruises and sprains for longer than I once did.

I can place the bits that knocked me hardest, 3 significant ones - ghosts to let go of - but I feel a bit like they are mistakes I need to let be part of my painting too...
I sprained an ankle pretty good at stockwell on a simple bail before moving to Brighton.  Gwyneth had to view the flat on her own, not too many months pregnant, then when she was so happy I'd be a fool not to agree, I hobbled on crutches to get down to the coast to make sure.
A few years later I slammed hard doing a silly sized sweeper at hove lagoon - hit the flat bottom and badly bruised my hip, (scared me - could barely walk and never done anything like it before), did in my ribs, a good winded sensation, and got some grumbling sprain kind of grief to my knee and ankle - I sat through casualty to check it out - all ok - ish but going for it felt less good.  (thanks to a triage nurse who said we all have to find ways to play..). 

Then couple of years ago I slammed on some fakie fast plant kind of thing at unit one trying to get one more run in as they had only half turned the lights off in the warehouse, (still glad of the invite along mind - Mr India Nick), next morning ended up with a cast for suspected scaphoid fracture, (forgiving thanks to the comment of 'now what does this say about your skateboard career' from one guy on this visit) - complicated the flight to New Zealand in 5 days time no end for a family christmas / wedding combo.

SO - the rolling and tricks aren't like they were - I know I have to build the confidence and work up - I know I need to stretch more and I seriously think some low level impact exercise, (shit yes jogging sometimes), to maintain bone density can't be a bad idea...

This little 4-0 not 5-0 then has already made me get out and roll more, is making me appreciate the joy of  new scenery, new spot and new lines, and the seeking a next little step on what I want to do, rather than any nagging doubts, insecurities and "you can't"s.  More good and less bad.  Good to move on.

Thanks to: Jono and lots of older skaters I keep meeting who are gently picking up what they left but not giving in, or who humbly carry on rolling and are willing to still keep moving and learning.  Here's To fun and finding out what you can do.  Just got to keep trying :)
So much fun still to have...

some teenaged be-dreaded kid - Romford bowl

father & son - NZ Xmas couple of years ago - little skatepark on outskirts of Auckland.